Welcome to Minute with Mallon!

Something I Taught:

I was playing pickleball recently one morning. A man showed up who I'd heard about, but never met. Many people had told me that this man was bossy, condescending, and thought he was God's gift to the pickleball courts. I watched him play a game and he was pretty good. But sure enough, he was constantly telling the person he was partnered with what to do. And that person was a very good player. But they were putting up with it.

As luck would have it, I was paired with him the next game. 🤮

After the first point, he made a comment to me and asked a question that was a disguised order.

I turned to him, held my hand up and told him we weren't going to go down that road while staring him right in the eyes.

Others around us grew quiet.

He stared back for a few seconds and then broke eye contact.

Then he started to explain why he'd asked the question. I stopped him again.

"I didn't come up here to be coached by you or anyone else. I came up here to have fun. So if you want to play with me, back off."

It was obvious that no one had spoken to him like that before.

We played the rest of the game in silence. 🦗🦗🦗

As we sat on the bench between games he scooted over by me and began to explain his rationale for coaching people he played with.

I told him that his reputation preceded him, that I'd heard from many that he was overbearing, conceited, and that no one wanted to play with him. We were about two feet away, but I was looking him right in the eye.

He left the courts about 15 minutes later and hasn't been back since.

That may sound a little harsh, but I've had to deal with that type of person before.

Which brings me to today's subject: how to deal with a Tank-type personality.

When you think about tanks, what comes to mind?

● They have a tough outer shell

● Things bounce off them

● They're powerful

● And they're scary

So what do tanks respect?

A bigger tank! 🤣

They respond to power and strength. Period! And if they sense they can roll over the top of you, they will.

So what are the strategies for you to use when dealing with this type of personality?

Keep breathing! I know this sounds funny, but we tend to not breathe deeply when being attacked. So concentrate on your breathing – you need oxygen.
Hold your ground. Don't back away. Turn directly towards them.
Hold eye contact. Don't look away, look them right in the eye. This shows strength. Weakness only provokes them to continue their behavior.
Use "I" language. (“I noticed earlier,” etc.)
If they interrupt you, use the Universal Stop Gesture by holding your hand up, palm facing them, so they stop talking.
Aim at the bottom line and again hold your ground.

These steps work! Practice them because practice makes… BETTER!!! You won't be perfect, but you can get close!

So in closing, Take Charge: Next time you encounter a challenging personality like the "Tank" on the pickleball court or in your professional life, practice these strategies. Share your experiences and results with me – I'd love to hear how you handle these situations!

Hope this helps!

Something to Ponder:

"When you choose your friends today, you are choosing your habits tomorrow."

James Clear

Something I Learned:

Recently I listened to Jeff Bezos on Lex Friedman's Podcast (#405): He was talking about how to run effective meetings. Here's a quote that every leader should understand and utilize:

"At every meeting I attend I speak last. I know from experience that if I speak first, even very strong willed, highly intelligent, high judgment people in that meeting will wonder 'Well if Jeff thinks that, then maybe I’m not right.'

And so you can do little things like if you’re the most senior person in the room everybody else goes first. Try to have the most junior person go first and then the second, etc. and try to go in order of seniority. Because we actually literally change our opinions when somebody who we really respect makes you change your mind a little by saying something you weren't thinking."

I believe that's true. And if you ARE the most senior leader in the room, and you don't let the others go first, you'll surely miss out on getting the most from your team.

Something I Saw:

Small part of what we ate at **Eight Sushi Lounge**

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Make it an incredible week and see you soon! 👍🏻

Robert

Minute With Mallon: Tank Tactics: Facing Strong Personalities