Minute With Mallon: The Power of Coffee Conversations

Jun 3

Welcome to Minute with Mallon!

Something I Taught:

My parents divorced when I was 8 years old. I was raised by a single mom who put herself through college and became an executive secretary to a man named W.K. Wilson. He owned a company called Petroleum Engineering Services in Charlotte, NC. His company built pipelines all over the world and he was very well known.

When I was about 11 years old, he took an interest in me. He had three children of his own who were older than me, and all of them were overachievers.

I was not…

All through my teens and into my 20s, W.K. spent a lot of time with me. When I messed up in school or got in trouble, I'd have to go to his office and we'd have talks. He never yelled at me, but sometimes the talks were several hours long. He also put me to work when I was about 15. He knew I needed money. I learned what it felt to work 12 hours shifts in heavy industrial situations. Smart on his part. I learned that I wanted to use my mind, not my body to earn a living. I grew up quick.

He was one of the three most influential men in my life, and I can promise you that without him, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this newsletter. And I wouldn't be half the man I am now. He taught me what it meant to be a man. And he always gave me great advice that steered me in the right direction.

I loved him. He took the place of the father I desperately needed.

And one of the things he taught me is that Mentors Work!

Many, many years ago, I read a book called As Iron Sharpens Iron by Howard Hendricks. Part of the book talked about having mentors in your life.

The book contains two pieces of advice that I've passed on to many people and that I'd like to share with you.

Never tell someone you'd like them to mentor you. You may ask, "Why not?" The answer is simple: people are busy! When a person hears the word "mentor," their first thought is going to be, "I don't have time to mentor anyone!" And they will automatically go into a defensive mode. Instead, ask them if they have time to grab a cup of coffee or lunch sometime in the next several weeks. This kind of request is something people actually enjoy and is modest enough not to frighten them off. And if you look several weeks out, they will have the time.
Always do something for them! Pay for their coffee or the lunch. Wash their car! Cut their grass!!! 🤭 (Just kidding on those last two, but maybe not!).

When you have a mentoring relationship, it's give and take. For the relationship to work and be worthwhile, you both need to give value. I can't tell you the number of times that someone has asked me to go have coffee or lunch, and I've adjusted my schedule for them, poured advice and energy into them, and then they didn't offer to pick up the check! This is not a one-sided relationship. Show your appreciation for their taking their time to help you, then watch these turn into true beneficial, long-lasting relationships!

As you read this, I want you to think back on those mentors who have made a significant impact on your life. Take a moment to reach out to them, expressing your heartfelt gratitude for their guidance.

And if you're seeking mentorship yourself, approach potential mentors with humility and a genuine offer to connect. Remember, mentorship is a beautiful exchange of wisdom and support – be ready to give back just as much as you receive.

Something to Ponder:

"Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction."

John C. Crosby

Something I Learned:

Are you a sports fan? Do you lead people? You'll find this interesting.

In the book The Effective Manager by Mark Horstman I recently read this:

Major League Baseball shortstops and second basemen—the very best in the world at their jobs—still go to spring training every year and practice, practice, practice. They regain their timing and teamwork through repetition: they take actions and pay attention to the feedback they get. One once said that he thought he turned 5,000 double plays every spring. 5,000! In a normal season, turning 150 is an outstanding accomplishment! Why that amount of practice? They know that creating and using what feedback tells them will make them better, when it matters.

The National Football League has been a client of ours for many years. How much feedback do NFL players get? So much you'll be astounded. The NFL video records every game with a special camera, the “All 22,” which shows every player on the field. It captures every second of every play, in high definition. The night after every game, the video is sent to NFL headquarters, where special software breaks down the video and creates packages of video clips for each player on the field. That video package is sent to that player's position coach that night.

And the next day, the day after they played, each player sits down with his coach, and they go over every single second of every single play that player played.

Think about that. Their whole careers depend on getting quality feedback so that they can grow and become the best that they can be.

Now think about this: Just about the only place where feedback isn't given, isn't used, isn't taken for granted, is between managers and their directs.

Why? There are 5 reasons that I keep hearing from clients over the years:

Fear of conflict
Lack of time
Uncertainty about how to give feedback
Concerns about morale
Avoidance of discomfort

If you're realizing that you need to get better at giving your employees feedback, let me know!!! In just a few sessions I can help you become a pro! I've helped people learn how to do this for close to 22 years now, and I can help you too. Email me at Robert@RobertMallon.com and we'll discuss what it would look like for you or your team. Maybe it’s time to quit suffering!