Minute With Mallon: Non-Verbal Leadership: The Silent Influence
Welcome to Minute with Mallon!
Something I Taught:
Have you ever considered how much of your leadership effectiveness hinges on non-verbal cues versus what you actually say?
Years ago, I learned of a study done by Albert Mehrabian, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). I've since passed on his research to many of my clients.
In the study, he learned that our communication breaks down into 3 different areas: body language, tonality, and the words that we use. Here's the breakdown of how we create meaning when we communicate:
55% Body Language
38% Tonality
7% Words
So for the most part, it’s not the words we use, it’s how we say them. People are reading you all the time. As a leader, it’s important to understand this.
Here’s a great example that one of my best friends told me about:
Like me, he's a speaker and coach. The week before Father's Day was very busy for him with work, and then the family had to go up to the northeast on Friday and Saturday for one of their son's sports tournaments. Flights, rental cars, hotels--you get the picture.
They flew back Sunday morning after a very busy weekend and all he could think about was laying down on the couch, chilling, and watching the final day of the US Open. Totally understandable.
But as they were driving back home from the airport, the kids told him that they wanted to celebrate Father's Day by going out on their boat on Lake Lanier and skiing all day as a family. He could see that everyone was super pumped about it, so he relented.
He told me that it was probably the most crowded he'd ever seen the lake. He's driving the boat, dodging other boats, and was realizing that there was a lot of alcohol being consumed on some of them. Two of his kids were skiing, and he was worried that he’d miss when one of them fell in, and that another boater might not see them and run them over. In short, he was very stressed and wasn't having a good time at all.
His wife looked at him and asked him what was wrong. "You look like you'd rather be anywhere else in the world right now and you're spoiling the mood for everyone."
That's when he remembered the 55%, 38%, and 7% percentages. In order not to spoil the day, he decided to change his body language and tone. In other words, he
Acted As If!
He acted as if he was having a great time, and soon he was! And this change-up saved the day for his family. They would have been so disappointed if they thought that they had ruined his Father’s Day.
Which brings me to this:
As a leader, your people are looking to you. I can remember times when I’d be worried about some problem on the P&L or what to do about a tough employee, and a person would walk up to me and ask me if I was angry at them.
"No! What makes you ask that?" "It's that look you have on your face," they'd say. And I'd realize that through my body language I was screaming to my whole staff that something was wrong. So I'd have to consciously change it! And the funny part was, my attitude would change when I did!
So be conscious of this: your body language and the tone you use speaks VOLUMES! People are watching and it's up to you to control what you are communicating! The next time you feel like people are picking up the wrong message, run through an internal audit of your body language and tone. And remember, communication is much more than just your words—it's about how you convey confidence and connection.
Hope this helps!
Something to Ponder:
“A problem well defined is a problem half solved.”
John Dewey
Something I Learned:
Again citing Jeff Bezos on Lex Friedman's podcast #405. This comment in particular really got me thinking:
"There are 1000 ways to be smart… When I go around and I meet people, I always look for the way that they're smart. That's one of the things that makes the world so interesting and so fun. It's not like IQ is a single dimension. There are people who are smart in such unique ways."
Such an interesting comment! We tend to think that "smart" is something that one is or isn't. I know in my case, I'm just not smart when it comes to mechanical things. I'm not putting myself down, it's just never made a lot of sense to me. So there were times when I’d make a mess of something mechanical and think I "wasn't smart." But that's an all-or-nothing statement. In reality, I'm very smart in certain areas.
And so are you! So keep that in mind when you meet people. Adopt Jeff’s mindset. It’s such a positive way to behave.
And when you think about it, as a leader, it's one of the smartest things you can do with your people!
Something I Saw:
My granddaughter Ileigh just turned 1! ❤️
Do you have some challenges or goals you’ve been grappling with recently that you feel could benefit from an outside perspective?
Let's talk!
Click the link below and let’s take 15 minutes to discuss it together!
See you next week!
Robert
